


I've Only Whispered

by NyoAmerican



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Confessions, F/F, Female Relationships, Fluff, Mixed Emotions, Mixed Signals, Mutual Pining, Nyotalia, Romantic Fluff, depressed character, lesbian love, soft romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2019-02-16 05:52:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13047834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NyoAmerican/pseuds/NyoAmerican
Summary: Hiding isn't America's strong suit, yet she seems to be pretty great at hiding from her feelings towards a certain Japanese nation. That will all change when she's invited over to 'hang out.'





	I've Only Whispered

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer- I own nothing.  
> This is a prompt thing that was given to me by TheMaidenOfTheHunt on ff.net, she's a really cool person and you should check her out. I'm sorry it took so long fam, I ended up doing nyotalia because I just need to do more nyotalia. (Instead of America inviting Japan I switched it

_America's Pov_  
I'm an able female, who by the way has amazing boobs. I should not be afraid to go over to my best friends house and confess... but I am. Actually I'm terrified beyond doubt. Who would ever want the fat, annoying, slutty american girl. Which is why I’m currently laying on a pile of dolls trying to cry.

  
I sighed, sitting up from my plushie collection only to grab a pikachu and flop back into the cuddlies. These little plushies are my only solace from the horrible cruel world. Plus most of them are gifts from Japan. She noticed I seemed to have a lack of cuddly objects and proceeded to fix that. The pikachu was my favorite honestly, she gave it to me last valentines day and said I should try to talk to Anya about going out sometime.

  
So basically she told me the only person that could ever love me is the tall, soft russian. Anya is amazing, kind, and can be quite gentle. She lets me talk to her whenever she's bored. Alright, so sometimes she can be a little cruel. But for some reason all the nations are cruel during meetings, I mean they can be assholes in general but meetings seem to amplify the asshole vibes.

  
Groaning, I flipped to my side to see the horrible item that caused me to feel like this in the first place. A sparkly, pink gemstone phone was laying on my wooden nightstand. It sure looked innocent from a distance but once you turn the damn thing on you'll realize it came from the depths of hell itself.

  
By that I mean there was a message from Sakura, commonly known as the personification of Japan. Or my long time crush, and when I say long time I mean super long time. I've always been attracted to her passive aggressive personality, and the way she'll banter with only me. It's like I'm special and she's allowed to be funny around me. I mean we even go to bathhouses together, or we did until I decided I was to fat to be seen naked.

  
I nearly threw up at the thought of my own body. It's so gross! My thighs are chubby and so is my face, my stomach is never flat enough and my eyes are such a dulled color of what used to be an icy blue it's disgusting! Even my chest doesn't make my body worth it. Why else would everyone make fun of me?

  
My eyes slid shut, as I bit my lip trying not to think about the text. Sakura wanted me to go over and hang out, or as she put it 'enjoy each other's company.' Yeah right, she probably wants to cry just thinking about me coming over. The only reason I can think of her inviting me over is because she needs something, or maybe her boss wants to improve our political situation. I have been ignoring everyone with a while, maybe they're worried that I'm planning something.

  
Pulling the pikachu doll closer to my chest, I felt my eyes burn. What was the point of doing things if I just got picked on! I took a shaky breath and sat up, shaking my head furiously I slipped off the bed my feet hitting the chilly wooden floor.

  
I placed the doll back on the pile and walked towards the closet. I might as well get ready, ignoring Sakura would only make her hate me more, instead of the annoying pig, I'd be the self righteous bitch. Both sucked but I'll stick to being a gross piggy thank you very much.

  
I yanked a random yellow sweater from the closet and tugged it on, thankfully I sleep in a tank top and panties so no need to find something to go underneath. After smoothing out the slightly too large sweater, I pulled on a plaid red skirt and matching scarf. Last but certainly my favorite clothing item is my bomber jacket. I never go anywhere without it, it makes me feel... safe. Almost like someone holding my hand or something.

  
The floor creaked slightly as I ran down the stairs trying to get some exercise high before I had to confront Sakura, I was already in Japan. We had a meeting here a few days ago and I always linger around to visit the shops. I was staying at a personal friend's a bit away from Sakura's own house. I guess I wanted to feel welcomed despite not actually ever visiting her, well until now that is. I grabbed my hiking boots and pulled them on quickly. I spent so much time moping I was going to be late. Yet another thing to add to my ever growing list of flaws.

  
Sliding open the door, I paused at the nostalgic smell of winter. You know the one that reminds you of playing in the snow when you were younger. It's fresh and well it seems cold. Despite everyone thinking I'm a summer gal I enjoy the nostalgia of winter.

  
My feet hit the grass, the crunch of a few dead leaves making me smile. I guess winter is just the season of reflection for me, not that I always enjoy thinking about the past. Especially not the recent events of my life. A small puff of breath escaped my mouth, the warm air hitting the cold creating a small patch of white air.

  
I grinned thinking about when me and Maddie would pretend we were old english people smoking a fancy pipe, grabbing sticks and talking about something as silly as how the queen is surely a lesbian. My grin slowly lowered until it was merely a small frown. Me and Canada used to hang out alot, but now I rarely see her. I guess she's just another person who got tired of me. Not that I can blame her, I wouldn't hang out with myself if I was being honest.

  
Stopping, I looked down at the amass of trees known as a forest and shook my head. Sakura's house was literally a few feet from me, I need to act at least a little pleased that I'm here. Despite chanting this as I walked towards the door, a feeling of dread grew in the pit of my stomach. Should I have really come?  
My hand lifted up to the door, before I jumped away in fear as the door slid open quickly. My foot hit a patch of ice and I tumbled to the ground.

  
"Ow!" I cried out, sitting up and rubbing my head. I heard footsteps rush over to me and a soft voice soon spoke up,  
"Amelia-San, that was my fault. I'm very sorry, I was very excited to see you again." Sakura said her chocolatey brown eyes looking at me in embarrassment. Her pale cheeks were tinged pink as she stuck in her down at me, smiling slightly.

  
I shook my head in response and grinned back up at her, my heart soared just from hearing her admit that she was excited to see me. Taking her hand I stood up and quickly brushed off the dirt from my clothes.

  
"I- I'm glad you want to see me." I replied, my smile disappearing when I realized she was probably lying. She just wanted to seem polite, I wish she'd just be honest. There's no point in pretending to like an idiot pig like me.

  
Sakura stared at me, her eyes scanning mine in concern. "I hope you are alright. Please come in, it's quite cold outside." She gestured toward the door before gingerly taking my hand and leading me inside.

  
I followed her my face growing hotter and hotter the longer she held my hand. Is this a japanese thing? She's never tried touching me before, in fact I thought she hated physical contact in general.

  
"I wanted to watch a few movies that I thought you would like." Sakura stated seemingly pleased with herself given the tone she was using.

  
I shrugged, and pulled off my scarf. Gently placing it on the hooks Sakura had hanging in her entrance room. Sakura was already finished switching her shoes, years of experience means she can switch them at the speed of light at this point. I slowly or slowly in my own mind, pulled off my boots and socks slipping on the house shoes that always lay against the floor board.

  
I stood up shocked when Sakura tugged at my jacket. I looked to her, our eyes making contact before mine darted away. "Amelia-San shouldn't you take off your jacket, I would not want you to get sick from becoming too warm." She coaxed, once again tugging at my jacket.

  
I laughed loudly and nodded in confirmation. "Oh yeah dude, heh I forgot." I lied, pulling off the jacket and reluctantly placing it next to my scarf. So much for my security blanket.

  
I clapped my hands together, grinning. "Alrighty then, let's get this party started!" I exclaimed fist bumping the air in fake enthusiasm.

  
Sakura smiled, "I wanted to watch something called Pulse, I'm certain that you haven't seen it yet." She seemed to be trying to hide something the way she awkwardly looked at the ground. Is the movie a porn-o or something.

  
"Oh, um okay." I responded trying to make eye contact growing more and more frustrated each time she avoided my eyes. Maybe she's regretting her decision to invite me over?

  
"I have already prepared some refreshments, I even purchased some hotdogs for you. Since you seem to be fond of them." Sakura said, leading me to her living room and gesturing towards all the food decorating the room.

  
"Thank-" I paused in my thanks when Sakura turned bright red and kicked something underneath the couch, "You. It seems fantastic, I haven't had a movie night in forever."

  
Sakura nodded her cheeks still pink. "I'm glad you accepted my invitation, I haven't had company over in quite a bit. I missed you." She replied quietly, looking at the ground sadly.

  
"Well!" I exclaimed my face growing hot and my heart beating wildly, "We should probably start the movie. I don't want to be late for my flight back to the states tomorrow." I laughed once again and slapped Japan's back in a friendly gesture.

  
She sighed and nodded, sitting on her couch before running her fingers through her short silky black hair in a nervous way. I stood for a moment my heart still pounding from the whispered words. Maybe I misheard her?

  
I shook my head, I must have there's no way she would miss someone as annoying as me. No one ever does. I sat down as far away from Sakura, praying she couldn't hear my heart which just wouldn't stop pounding.

  
"I'm turning off the the lights now, the movie is starting." Sakura voiced, sounding oddly distressed. The last thing I saw before the room went black was her rubbing her wrists slowly.

  
I turned to the television and nearly cried, the words pulse appeared on the screen. In what was very, very clearly horror movie font. Oh god, not only am I going to cry but now Sakura is going to be even more annoyed with me!

  
I nervously pulled at my skirt. Watching as Michi talks to Taguchi, shaking as I watched him make some sort of noose. Is he going to kill her!? I gulped, sliding closer to Sakura as Taguchi left the room.

  
"Is Michi going to die?" I whispered to Sakura. I couldn't see her but I felt her hand pat my thigh as she whispered back, "No spoilers."  
I whined as Michi slowly opened a door only to cry out at Taguchi's hanging body.

  
"He killed himself!?" I screamed in confusion, Sakura made a noise that sounded something like a squeal before she whispered something that sounded awfully like soon. Oh god am I in a horror movie?

  
They movie continued, the longer it played the closer I scooted towards Sakura, it wasn't until they were in Taguchi's room and a ghost was displayed in his computer that I actually screamed clinging to Sakura like a cat.

  
Oddly enough Sakura seemed to have been waiting for this, her arm gently head me as she pet my head. The rest of the movie played, each part scarier than the last until it was finally over. Not that the ending was all that great, given the fact that everyone is going to die!

  
As soon as the tv went black the lights switched on, I could now see the old clock in the corner which read six thirty-four on the dot.

  
I sat up pushing away from Sakura wiping at my tear stained face. "W-why would you let me watch that!" I cried glaring at her. Sakura turned bright red before slapping her own cheeks gently. I thought she muttered something like kawaii but that must have been my imagination.

  
"Amelia-San can I ask you a personal question? I promise I will answer your question in a moment." She responded.

  
I nodded slowly, "Okay, but why can't you answer mine first? What kind of friend let's her buddy watch something as scary as that without some sort of warning!" I asked, my voice calming as the terror from the movie started to leave.

  
Sakura seemed to frown at the word friend, my stomach dropped at that look. I forgot about her not liking me and everything, heh for a moment there I let myself be comfortable. For some reason it happens often around her.

  
Sakura shook her head before asking, "This is a bit rude but I need to know." She took a shaky breath, her hair falling in front of her eyes as cleared her throat, "Are you in a relationship?"

  
That's not what I had been expecting. My cheeks quickly grew hot at her teasing question my eyes starting to burn once again, "No! Why would anyone want to go out with me?" I yelled my voice watery and my eyes tearing up for a much different reason than a stupid horror movie. Why would she try making fun of me so suddenly? She knows everyone hates me, I mean come on it's plain as day!

  
Sakura had a pained expression, but seemed oddly excited. "Amelia-San, I want to." She replied, sounding as if she was ready to be rejected.

  
I stared at her, my own body feeling jumpy and light? There's no way this is happening, I must have fallen asleep and will wake up right before she kisses me, that's how it usually works anyway. N-not that I've had dreams like this!

  
"W-why?" I questioned, my voice shaky in fear that this truly is a dream. How horrible would it be if I woke up only to be alone in my plushie pile like some depressed grandma.

  
Sakura smiled softly, her hand coming up and brushing away my tears. "Because you are adorable, smart, kind, creative, and you are perfect to me. You are so wild and bright it makes me jealous. I cut my hair just to be more like you. I've always had strong feelings for you, sometimes they were negative but most of the time I felt... warm. Like you were a fiery star, I could look but never get close enough to touch. Not without being burned. So I tried to get you to be with someone." She laughed in a pained sort of way, her hand covering my mouth when I tried to speak.

  
"It hurt me to think you were alone, by yourself every night. When the thing I wanted the most was to hold you, to... kiss you. When I heard you were here in my country I thought that maybe I could try it. To hold you so I had you watch that silly movie, despite how cruel it was on my part. So yes Amelia, someone does love you. That someone happens to be me." Sakura finished, leaning forward her lips pushing against mine softly, before pulling away just as quickly.

  
I stared at her, my heart pounding wilder than all the times before. My cheeks were hot and so was the rest of me. She turned away, looking sadden at my reaction. I wanted to cry and yell at her, telling her that while she was trying to pair me up I was crying about feeling this way. That while she was wanting to hold me I wanted to be held by her. And I guess all those feelings pushed me over the edge.

  
I reached out and grabbed her arm. "I- I love, I've loved you for so long that I'd lost hope. Everytime you told me to talk to Anya or Alice, I felt like you were pushing me away. All those nights were you wanted to hold me I wanted to be held. It stings so much to know that you've felt this way and because we were both to idiotic to tell one another that we've missed so many years of being together. I feel so hated all the time, and I feel like no could ever care... except when I'm around you. For moments at a time I feel okay, and I feel safe. But it always goes away because I always thought you found me annoying. So... so I love you okay!" I yelled, hot tears streaming down my face as Sakura's eyes looked into my own in shock.

  
She pulled me suddenly into her arms, hugging me closely. "I could never hate you, despite everything that we've done to each other. I can only love you that much more, it's a string of fate that will pulls us together no matter what. I love you Amelia... I love you so much." She whispered softly.

  
"I love you too." I replied, my voice clearer than it had been in a long time. I finally told her something I've only whispered since we met.

**Author's Note:**

> *Cries* My JapUs babies, my precious babies.


End file.
